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In honor of our favorite time of year,
Dean wrote a little poem...
Wanna hear it?...
Here it goes-
Happy, happy Halloween,
The weirdest night you've ever seen,
The thirty-first October night,
Makes our kids a ghoulish fright.
Decked out in their cheap costumes,
Tiny witches, tiny brooms.
Ignore the ones who dress up cute,
Give them pennies, not candy loot!
Don't cross the street, or talk to strangers,
You little hoodlum Power Rangers!
Dress as a pirate, or even St. Nick,
but don't eat too much candy, or you'll get sick!
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A BOO-logna sandwich
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar
What do ghosts eat for dinner?
What's a ghost's favorite fruit?
What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to
A toasty ghosty
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
They're afraid of flying off the handle.
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
What's the ratio of a Jack O' Lantern's circumference
to its diameter?
How do you mend a broken Jack-O-Lantern?
With a pumpkin patch
What is a ghost's favorite party game?
The Old Witch
There was once a little girl who was very willful and who never obeyed when her elders spoke to her; so how could she be happy?
One day she said to her parents: ``I have heard so much of the old witch that I will go and see her. People say she is a wonderful old woman, and has many marvelous things in her house, and I am very curious to see them.''
But her parents forbade her going, saying: ``The witch is a wicked old woman, who performs many godless deeds; and if you go near her, you are no longer a child of ours.'' The girl, however, would not turn back at her parents' command, but went to the witch's house.
When she arrived there the old woman asked her:-- ``Why are you so pale?''
``Ah,'' she replied, trembling all over, ``I have frightened myself so with what I have just seen.''
``And what did you see?'' inquired the old witch.
``I saw a black man on your steps.''
``That was a collier,'' replied she.
``Then I saw a gray man.''
``That was a sportsman,'' said the old woman.
``After him I saw a blood-red man.''
``That was a butcher,'' replied the old woman.
``But, oh, I was most terrified,'' continued the girl, ``when I peeped through your window, and saw not you, but a creature with a fiery head.''
``Then you have seen the witch in her proper dress,'' said the old woman. ``For you I have long waited, and now you shall give me light.'' So saying the witch changed the little girl into a block of wood, and then threw it on the fire; and when it was fully alight, she sat down on the hearth and warmed herself, saying:--
``How good I feel! The fire has not burned like this for a long time!''
Click here because Dean also wrote a PG-Rated Zombie Poem...
2. Wait behind the door. When they get near the door, jump out wearing a costume, holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, invite them in. Once they're inside, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand them a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Collapse, flop about gasping for air, then don't move until they go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at them, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
10. When you open the door, shout, "Drop and give me twenty!" and Insist they each do push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run screaming down the street.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that you've been trying to get rid of the eggs since Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily lecture them about tooth decay until they leave.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Insist that all your candy is gone.
18. Open your door wearing only your underwear, scratching your butt, burping and yell, "Waddaya want ya little brats!"
19. Put a horn and tails on a pumpkin and put it on a throne on your porch. Insist that they all bow down and worship Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door and angrily throw the candy at them. Slam the door when you're finished.
Once upon a time there was a brave soldier lad who was seeking his fortune in the wide, wide world. One day he lost his way in a pathless forest, and wandered about until he came at length to a small clearing in the midst of which stood a ruined temple. The huge trees waved above its walls, and the leaves in the thicket whispered around them. No sun ever shone there, and no human being lived there.
A storm was coming up, and the soldier lad took refuge among the ruins. ``Here is all I want,'' said he. ``Here I shall have shelter from the storm-god's wrath, and a comfortable place to sleep in.'' So he wrapped himself in his cloak, and, lying down, was soon fast asleep. But his slumbers did not last long.
At midnight he was wakened by fearful shrieks, and springing to his feet, he looked out at the temple door. The storm was over. Moonlight shone on the clearing. And there he saw what seemed to be a troop of monstrous cats, who like huge phantoms marched across the open space in front of the temple. They broke into a wild dance, uttering shrieks, howls, and wicked laughs. Then they all sang together:-- ``Whisper not to Shippeitaro That the Phantom Cats are near; Whisper not to Shippeitaro, Lest he soon appear!''
The soldier lad crouched low behind the door, for brave as he was he did not wish these fearful creatures to see him. But soon, with a chorus of wild yells, the Phantom Cats disappeared as quickly as they had come, and all was quiet as before. Then the soldier lad lay down and went to sleep again, nor did he waken till the sun peered into the temple and told him that it was morning.
He quickly found his way out of the forest and walked on until he came to the cottage of a peasant. As he approached he heard sounds of bitter weeping. A beautiful young maiden met him at the door, and her eyes were red with crying. She greeted him kindly. ``May I have some food?'' said he.
``Enter and welcome,'' she replied. ``My parents are just having breakfast. You may join them, for no one passes our door hungry.''
Thanking her the lad entered, and her parents greeted him courteously but sadly, and shared their breakfast with him. He ate heartily, and, when he was finished, rose to go. ``Thank you many times for this good meal, kind friends,'' said he, ``and may happiness be yours.''
``Happiness can never again be ours!'' answered the old man, weeping.
``You are in trouble, then,'' said the lad. ``Tell me about it; perhaps I can help you in some way.''
``Alas!'' replied the old man, ``There is within yonder forest a ruined temple. It is the abode of horrors too terrible for words. Each year a demon, whom no one has ever seen, demands that the people of this land give him a beautiful maiden to devour. She is placed in a cage and carried to the temple just at sunset. This year it is my daughter's turn to be offered to the fiend!'' And the old man buried his face in his hands and groaned.
The soldier lad paused to think for a moment, then he said:-- ``It is terrible, indeed! But do not despair. I think I know a way to help you. Who is Shippeitaro?''
``Shippeitaro is a beautiful dog, owned by our lord, the prince,'' answered the old man.
``That is just the thing!'' cried the lad. ``Only keep your daughter closely at home. Do not let her out of your sight. Trust me and she shall be saved.'' Then the soldier lad hurried away, and found the castle of the prince. He begged that he might borrow Shippeitaro just for one night.
``You may take him upon the condition that you bring him back safely,'' said the prince.
``Tomorrow he shall return in safety,'' answered the lad.
Taking Shippeitaro with him, he hurried to the peasant's cottage, and, when evening was come, he placed the dog in the cage which was to have carried the maiden. The bearers then took the cage to the ruined temple, and, placing it on the ground, ran away as fast as their legs would carry them.
The lad, laughing softly to himself, hid inside the temple as before, and so quiet was the spot that he fell asleep. At midnight he was aroused by the same wild shrieks he had heard the night before. He rose and looked out at the temple door. Through the darkness, into the moonlight, came the troop of Phantom Cats.
This time they were led by a fierce, black Tomcat. As they came nearer they chanted with unearthly screeches:-- ``Whisper not to Shippeitaro That the Phantom Cats are near; Whisper not to Shippeitaro, Lest he soon appear!'' With that the great Tomcat caught sight of the cage and, uttering a fearful yowl, sprang upon it, With one blow of his claws he tore open the lid, when, instead of the dainty morsel he expected, out jumped Shippeitaro!
The dog sprang upon the Tomcat, and caught him by the throat; while the Phantom Cats stood still in amazement. Drawing his sword the lad hurried to Shippeitaro's side, and what with Shippeitaro's teeth and the lad's hard blows, in an instant the great Tomcat was torn and cut into pieces. When the Phantom Cats saw this, they uttered one wild shriek and fled away, never to return again.
Then the soldier lad, leading Shippeitaro, returned in triumph to the peasant's cottage. There in terror the maiden awaited his arrival, but great was the joy of herself and her parents when they knew that the Tomcat was no more.
``Oh, sir,'' cried the maiden, ``I can never thank you! I am the only child of my parents, and no one would have been left to care for them if I had been the monster's victim.''
``Do not thank me,'' answered the lad. ``Thank the brave Shippeitaro. It was he who sprang upon the great Tomcat and chased away the Phantom Creatures.''
Hansel And Grethel
Hard-by a great forest dwelt a poor wood-cutter with his two children and his wife who was their stepmother. The boy was called Hansel and the girl Grethel. The wood-cutter had little to bite and to break, and once when a great famine fell on the land he could no longer get daily bread. Now when he thought over this by night in his bed, and tossed about in his trouble, he groaned, and said to his wife:--
``What is to become of us? How are we to feed our poor children, when we no longer have anything even for ourselves?''
``I'll tell you what, husband,'' answered the woman; ``early tomorrow morning we will take the children out into the woods where it is the thickest; there we will light a fire for them, and give each of them one piece of bread more, and then we will go to our work and leave them alone. They will not find the way home again, and we shall be rid of them.''
``No, wife,'' said the man, ``I will not do that; how can I bear to leave my children alone in the woods?--the wild beasts would soon come and tear them to pieces.''
``Oh, you fool!'' said she. ``Then we must all four die of hunger; you may as well plane the planks for our coffins.'' And she left him no peace until he said he would do as she wished.
``But I feel very sorry for the poor children, all the same,'' said the man. The two children had also not been able to sleep for hunger, and had heard what their father's wife had said to their father.
Grethel wept bitter tears, and said to Hansel, ``Now all is over with us.''
``Be quiet, Grethel,'' said Hansel, ``do not be troubled; I will soon find a way to help us.'' And when the old folks had fallen asleep, he got up, put on his little coat, opened the door below, and crept outside. The moon shone brightly, and the white pebbles which lay in front of the house shone like real silver pennies. Hansel stooped and put as many of them in the little pocket of his coat as he could make room for.
Then he went back, and said to Grethel, ``Be at ease, dear little sister, and sleep in peace; God will not forsake us.'' And he lay down again in his bed. When the day dawned, but before the sun had risen, the woman came and awoke the two children, saying:--
``Get up, you lazy things! we are going into the forest to fetch wood.'' She gave each a little piece of bread, and said, ``There is something for your dinner, but do not eat it up before then, for you will get nothing else.'' Grethel took the bread under her apron, as Hansel had the stones in his pocket. Then they all set out together on the way to the forest, and Hansel threw one after another of the white pebble-stones out of his pocket on the road.
When they had reached the middle of the forest, the father said, ``Now, children, pile up some wood and I will light a fire that you may not be cold.'' Hansel and Grethel drew brushwood together till it was as high as a little hill.
The brushwood was lighted, and when the flames were burning very high the woman said:-- ``Now, children, lie down by the fire and rest; we will go into the forest and cut some wood. When we have done, we will come back and fetch you away.''
Hansel and Grethel sat by the fire, and when noon came, each ate a little piece of bread, and as they heard the strokes of the wood-axe they were sure their father was near. But it was not the axe, it was a branch which he had tied to a dry tree, and the wind was blowing it backward and forward. As they had been sitting such a long time they were tired, their eyes shut, and they fell fast asleep.
When at last they awoke, it was dark night. Grethel began to cry, and said, ``How are we to get out of the forest now?''
But Hansel comforted her, saying, ``Just wait a little, until the moon has risen, and then we will soon find the way.'' And when the full moon had risen, Hansel took his little sister by the hand, and followed the pebbles, which shone like bright silver pieces, and showed them the way.
They walked the whole night long, and by break of day came once more to their father's house. They knocked at the door, and when the woman opened it, and saw that it was Hansel and Grethel, she said, ``You naughty children, why have you slept so long in the forest? we thought you were never coming back at all!''
The father, however, was glad, for it had cut him to the heart to leave them behind alone. Not long after, there was once more a great lack of food in all parts, and the children heard the woman saying at night to their father:-- ``Everything is eaten again; we have one half- loaf left, and after that there is an end. The children must go; we will take them farther into the wood, so that they will not find their way out again; there is no other means of saving ourselves!''
The man's heart was heavy, and he thought, ``It would be better to share our last mouthful with the children.'' The woman, however, would listen to nothing he had to say, but scolded him. He who says A must say B, too, and as he had given way the first time, he had to do so a second time also.
The children were still awake and had heard the talk. When the old folks were asleep, Hansel again got up, and wanted to go and pick up pebbles, but the woman had locked the door, and he could not get out. So he comforted his little sister, and said:-- ``Do not cry, Grethel; go to sleep quietly, the good God will help us.'' Early in the morning came the woman, and took the children out of their beds. Their bit of bread was given to them, but it was still smaller than the time before. On the way into the forest Hansel crumbled his in his pocket, and often threw a morsel on the ground until little by little, he had thrown all the crumbs on the path. The woman led the children still deeper into the forest, where they had never in their lives been before.
Then a great fire was again made, and she said:-- ``Just sit there, you children, and when you are tired you may sleep a little; we are going into the forest to cut wood, and in the evening when we are done, we will come and fetch you away.'' When it was noon, Grethel shared her piece of bread with Hansel, who had scattered his by the way. Then they fell asleep, and evening came and went, but no one came to the poor children.
They did not awake until it was dark night, and Hansel comforted his little sister, and said:-- ``Just wait, Grethel, until the moon rises, and then we shall see the crumbs of bread which I have scattered about; they will show us our way home again.''
When the moon came they set out, but they found no crumbs, for the many thousands of birds which fly about in the woods and fields had picked them all up. Hansel said to Grethel, ``We shall soon find the way.'' But they did not find it. They walked the whole night and all the next day, too, from morning till evening, but they did not get out of the forest; they were very hungry, for they had nothing to eat but two or three berries which grew on the ground. And as they were so tired that their legs would carry them no longer, they lay down under a tree and fell asleep.
It was now three mornings since they had left their father's house. They began to walk again, but they always got deeper into the forest, and if help did not come soon, they must die of hunger and weariness. When it was midday, they saw a beautiful snow-white bird sitting on a bough. It sang so sweetly that they stood still and listened to it. And when it had done, it spread its wings and flew away before them, and they followed it until they reached a little house, on the roof of which it perched; and when they came quite up to the little house, they saw it was built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar.
``We will set to work on that,'' said Hansel, ``and have a good meal. I will eat a bit of the roof, and you, Grethel, can eat some of the window, it will taste sweet.'' Hansel reached up, and broke off a little of the roof to try how it tasted, and Grethel leaned against the window and nibbled at the panes.
Then a soft voice cried from the room,-- ``Nibble, nibble, gnaw, Who is nibbling at my little house?''
The children answered:-- ``The wind, the wind, The wind from heaven''; and went on eating. Hansel, who thought the roof tasted very nice, tore down a great piece of it; and Grethel pushed out the whole of one round window-pane, sat down, and went to eating it.
All at once the door opened, and a very, very old woman, who leaned on crutches, came creeping out. Hansel and Grethel were so scared that they let fall what they had in their hands. The old woman, however, nodded her head, and said, ``Oh, you dear children, who has brought you here? Do come in, and stay with me. No harm shall happen to you.''
She took them both by the hand, and led them into her little house. Then good food was set before them, milk and pancakes, with sugar, apples, and nuts. Afterwards two pretty little beds were covered with clean white linen, and Hansel and Grethel lay down in them, and thought they were in heaven.
The old woman had only pretended to be so kind; she was in reality a wicked witch, who lay in wait for children, and had built the little bread house in order to coax them there. Early in the morning, before the children were awake, she was already up, and when she saw both of them sleeping and looking so pretty, with their plump red cheeks, she muttered to herself, ``That will be a dainty mouthful!''
Then she seized Hansel, carried him into a little stable, and shut him in behind a grated door. He might scream as he liked,--it was of no use. Then she went to Grethel, shook her till she awoke and cried: ``Get up, lazy thing; fetch some water, and cook something good for your brother; he is in the stable outside, and is to be made fat. When he is fat, I will eat him.''
Grethel began to weep, but it was all in vain; she was forced to do what the wicked witch told her. And now the best food was cooked for poor Hansel, but Grethel got nothing but crab-shells. Every morning the woman crept to the little stable, and cried, ``Hansel, stretch out your finger that I may feel if you will soon be fat.'' Hansel, however, stretched out a little bone to her, and the old woman, who had dim eyes, could not see it; she thought it was Hansel's finger, and wondered why he grew no fatter.
When four weeks had gone by, and Hansel still was thin, she could wait no longer. ``Come, Grethel,'' she cried to the girl, ``fly round and bring some water. Let Hansel be fat or lean, to-morrow I will kill him, and cook him.'' Ah, how sad was the poor little sister when she had to fetch the water, and how her tears did flow down over her cheeks!
``Dear God, do help us,'' she cried. ``If the wild beasts in the forest had but eaten us, we should at any rate have died together.''
``Just keep your noise to yourself,'' said the old woman; ``all that won't help you at all.''
Early in the morning, Grethel had to go out and hang up the kettle with the water, and light the fire. ``We will bake first,'' said the old woman. ``I have already heated the oven, and got the dough ready.'' She pushed poor Grethel out to the oven, from which the flames of fire were already darting. ``Creep in,'' said the witch, ``and see if it is heated, so that we can shut the bread in.''
And when once Grethel was inside, she meant to shut the oven and let her bake in it, and then she would eat her, too. But Grethel saw what she had in her mind, and said, ``I do not know how I am to do it; how do you get in?''
``Silly goose,'' said the old woman. ``The door is big enough; just look, I can get in myself!'' and she crept up and thrust her head into the oven.
Then Grethel gave her a push that drove her far into it, and shut the iron door, tight. Grethel ran as quick as lightning to Hansel, opened his little stable, and cried, ``Hansel, we are saved! The old witch is dead!''
Then Hansel sprang out like a bird from its cage when the door is opened for it. How they did dance about and kiss each other. And as they had no longer any need to fear her, they went into the witch's house, and in every corner there stood chests full of pearls and jewels.
``These are far better than pebbles!'' said Hansel, and filled his pockets, and Grethel said,
``I, too, will take something home with me,'' and filled her pinafore.
``But now we will go away,'' said Hansel, ``that we may get out of the witch's forest.''
When they had walked for two hours, they came to a great piece of water. ``We cannot get over,'' said Hansel; ``I see no foot-plank and no bridge.''
``And no boat crosses, either,'' answered Grethel, ``but a white duck is swimming there; if I ask her, she will help us over.''
Then she cried,--
The duck came to them, and Hansel sat on its back, and told his sister to sit by him. ``No,'' replied Grethel, ``that will be too heavy for the little duck; she shall take us across, one after the other.'' The good little duck did so, and when they were once safely across and had walked for a short time, they knew where they were, and at last they saw from afar their father's house.
Then they began to run, rushed in, and threw themselves into their father's arms. The man had not known one happy hour since he had left the children in the forest; the woman, however, was dead. Grethel emptied her pinafore until pearls and precious stones rolled about the floor, and Hansel threw one handful after another out of his pocket to add to them. Then all care was at an end, and they lived happily together ever after.
My tale is done; there runs a mouse;
More Stories and Jokes:
My Haunted House
By Virginia Obrecht Dulworth
Kids Domain Halloween Jokes and Riddles
Halloween Teaching Theme- Halloween Help For Teachers!
Enjoy these Fall & Halloween Haiku Poems created by kids
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have. ?
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,
"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"
this and many more hysterical PG rated Halloween Jokes ( like the Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating ) at digitaldreamdoor.com
It's That Trick Or Treating Season - a cute poem by Linda A. Copp
The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.
- Emily Dickinson, Nature 27 - Autumn
Autumn, Fall: - Quotes, Poems, Sayings, Wisdom
The Shadowlands: Ghosts and Hauntings ... Over 7900 true ghost stories
do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
more halloween jokes & one-liners
El Dia de los Muertos / Day of the Dead
Learn more about the traditions of El Dia de los Muertos at the Mexweb site
Halloween Poetry Page color it too!
Scouting Web Creepy Campfire Stories
October, here's to you.
Here's to the heady aroma of the frost-kissed apples,
the winey smell of ripened grapes,
the wild-as-the-wind smell of hickory nuts
and the nostalgic whiff of that first wood smoke.
quotations and passages on autumn
A CloudEight Halloween. Free Halloween things!
Email Stationery, Greetings, Screen Savers, and more!:
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Dean & Nancy's Halloween Haunt
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